Coming December 2012

Two years ago, severe menstrual pain and irregular cycles led me to my doctor.  After several tests and a question-answer session, I was told I had a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Later tests revealed that I was not ovulating and thus infertile.  I was devastated.  I suppose my disappointment was ill-founded since I already have two children but the pain of it was still there.  I held out hope that they were wrong and I would soon find myself pregnant.  Fast forward two years.  Around Christmas last year, I became less concerned with getting pregnant and more concerned with keeping my cysts under control and losing weight.  So I went back to my doctor who told me my best chance was taking birth control.  So I took the prescription and bore the cost of it, my insurance didn't cover it.  After a few months, I decided to quit taking it and just live my life.  It wasn't doing anything for my weight and it was causing more pain than I wanted.  In March, I quit keeping track of my cycles.  I would always mark it on the calendar, but this time I just gave up.  I felt like that part of my life was over.  At the beginning of April, life continued.  By April 15, I hadn't had my period yet but I knew my cycles were crazy so I didn't think anything of it.  Along came April 17, I felt horrible!  So that day, I went and bought another test.  This was probably the 10th test I had bought over the last 2 years.  I set it in the bathroom and forgot about it.  2:20 AM April 18, I was wide awake.  I'm not sure why, but I felt compelled to go and take the test.  I knew it would say 'negative' and so I took it and left it on the counter and went back to bed.  Half an hour later, I was still awake so I went in and looked at the test.  I must have stood there for quite a long time, I did not expect to see the double line!  So I took the test downstairs and laid it on a blank white piece of paper and drew a heart around it.  And there it sat until 5:30 AM when my husband woke.  I showed him the test and we both shared a quiet moment of triumph and anxiety.  So I guess you have figured it out by now:  I'M PREGNANT! 

This is my miracle.  It is hard to describe what I am feeling right now.  My little baby that wasn't supposed to be will be here in time for Yule/Christmas 2012.  I always contemplate rebirth at that time of year, so it feels unbelievably fitting that he/she will be here just in time for it.  So I guess I will be blogging all about the pregnancy from now until then.  Because I had stopped tracking my periods, my due date is Dec. 22.  I am now 9 weeks along, baby is busy making fingers and getting bigger and he/she is a little wiggle worm.

Have a great week!