Christmas Day was very hard for me. It was a bittersweet time for the following reasons: This was the first year in several years that we actually bought a Christmas tree and had the means to fill it with presents. My daughter's received a lot of very useful presents and they enjoyed themselves. It wasn't very festive for me though. I didn't receive anything, but worse than not getting anything material was the horrible feeling of emptiness I felt. I have just lost my brother to suicide and my aunt to a rapid brain cancer. I had a lot of stress related to our car repair. And on Christmas Eve, I began to get sick. I don't know what it was, but it was probably just a little stomach virus, followed by my surprise menstrual cycle that doesn't cooperate, and now I have some sort of Irritable Bowel Syndrome episode. I feel physically terrible, mentally exhausted, and in need of a huge spiritual boost. I comfort myself reading the Icelandic Sagas and the posts on my friend's Isis facebook page. And this is where the story turns.
The day after Christmas in the wee hours of the morning, I began to dream. I saw myself completely rearranging my house. The computer and desk were moved to my bedroom and the major furniture in the attic was moved away and the attic was transformed into a sacred space. I saw myself sitting there in silence and receiving the peace I had prayed for.
So, acting on this vision, me and my husband moved the computer and desk, which now sits in my bedroom. And I am trying to muster the strength to clean out the attic and donate what doesn't belong. I plan to build an altar up there and make it a place I can go for quiet and for peace. This will be the first time in almost 3 years that I have had an altar to pray at. According to my faith, I do not need an altar to pray or to worship. I prefer to do these things outdoors and in the woods, but this time of year I prefer to not stand in the cold. Its selfish, I know. And the altar is less of a place to worship than it is a place of meditation. On it, I will place items that will help me to focus the positive influences in my life. I will place my statue of Isis, who reassures me that I am a good mother and I can survive anything. I will place my statue of a muscled man, who I have likened to Thor, and who has taught me to channel my inner strength into positive ventures. I can also place things like artificial flowers to remind myself of the coming spring, a bowl of water to remind me of the soothing motions of the sea, and other things that may inspire me over time.